Sadie's Gathering : WANTED: ELF THAT DOESN'T SIT ON A SHELF!

Well, here we are again. It's the holidays, it's 2022 and all the craziness has ensued. This is a post, I post every year and I pick a funny holiday photo and include it in the post. This year, I found this on the internet:

Since we added chaos to chaos this year, by getting a puppy, this photo made me laugh... mainly wondering if this photo was photoshopped, or is this dog actually wearing the jingle bell collar and Santa hat. I suspect not.

The next photo is one I posted a few years back, but still makes me smile. Hope the post brings a few laughs.

From Spiderwebmaker.com

Call me Scrooge. I have a few issues (click here for the history) with the Elf On The Shelf. In a nutshell I don't have time to come up with the crazy antics or clean up after a little spy's shenanigans. Also, Santa has always come through; years before the elves showed up.

Out of all the ones out there, this is the funniest photo I've seen this year... I've always had a soft spot for the Abominable Snowman.

Photo courtesy of a friend.

Then it dawned on me: Aren't elves supposed to be helpful? Didn't they once save the business of a shoemaker and his wife?
So, after thinking about it, and another hectic, crazy ass day, of the holiday season; it has occurred to me: I could use an elf.

Naturally, the elf must be able to follow a few rules and meet the following requirements:

*No sitting on a shelf. It's the holidays.

*You're the ELF. It is your job to make my holiday time easier and funner; not the other way around.

*Must have and know ones own name already. Please realize there are days, after repeatedly being called "Mommeee...", that to recall even my own is a task not for the faint of heart.

*Must dress appropriately. A skin tight red unitard with a dainty collar and matching beanie may be fine for flittin' 'round the North Pole, but here in the Midwestern suburbs, we dress a tad more classic. Tasteful layers is always a good way to go.

*Thou shalt clean up after oneself after working in the kitchen, or any other room of the house.

*No frolicking with Barbie and friends. Same goes for any other doll, action figure, or stuffed animal.

*No gadgets. Seriously. After seeing some of the ways these imps get their jollies, can't help but wonder, how many kids have had their eyes "opened"- when a distracted parent forgot... Well let's just blame the elf because he forgot he was supposed to be there for the kids enjoyment- not his.

*If you have time to sit on that shelf, you have time to dust that shelf.

*There's no "I" in Elf on the Shelf.

*Mess with the witches, and you're toast. Or a frog.

*No tattling. In this house, you tattle; you're in trouble too. My attempt to get sisters to work together, to whatever means, rather than work against one another. However, this is another problem I have with the elves. They leave Santa and all, during the busiest time of year, to enjoy Spring Break like behavior, under the guise of being a spy. If I was a reindeer, or a fellow elf that had to stay put at the Arctic workshop and work my tush-n-tail off during the last days before the global flight, while some got to go lounge on shelves and hoop it up... I wouldn't be best pleased. Much less jolly and merry. But that's just me.

*Master Bedroom is off limits.

*Stay out of my booze.

*If an elf could manage to do nothing more than help me find my keys most days, I would be grateful.
*Fail to comply with any of these, and I'll be the one reporting back to Santa.
Ho! Ho! Ho!

*Wishing everyone a safe and magical holiday!